To be alone or not to be alone...

Hi everyone...

I'm all confused today. I think I may have been born confused, but I will not take up this post with chit chat about my birth! hehe.

I have impossible standards. It's a wonderful thing most of the time, but then it's also contributed to my loneliness as of late. Or I think. Since I have these high standards for myself and the people that surround me, I tend to have very critical opinions. Since I have critical opinions, most people tend to stay away from me and avoid confrontation. Since these people stay away from me, I tend to be lonely sometimes.

I'm confused because most of the time I'm okay with that. I'd rather have standards than to not have any and slum it with idiots. Can there be a middle ground?

I'm confused about it. Or should I keep doing what I do best (which is drive people away from me) or change something? I believe my behavior stems back to school. And not even high school. Bullying started at a very young age and I always took it. Then I got into college and realized I have to fight back. And fight I did. And now I am alone. But I do have standards. You hurt me once and you're gone. I don't give second chances. I don't see why usually. Don't you dare hurt me or I'll hurt you right back. But should I be flexible? No. Or maybe yes? Sometimes?

Well. I want to be loved. That very basic need is usually masked by my personality. But in the end I want tenderness and caring and respect and thoughtfulness and love. Will I ever find that in my life or am I just meant to be alone fighting the good fight?

Help me.

Pink Perry rant. Watch out!

Uhh... my name is Jaaaaime... that is all...

Uhhhhh....

Okay. What's new with me?! Absolutely nothing. And I kind of like it that way. I want a house! I am saving my money... I want a house that I saw. hehe. It's big and pretty and has a yard that I can have cook-outs on and a yard that maybe my future children can play in! And I'll put a swingset in too!

How fun is THAT? Wicked fun I think.

I decided I am getting my hair cut. I will have bangs once again. I am slightly nervous. But you know what? I decided that I must get them since the only reason I didn't have bangs is because someone said he didn't like bangs... so I decided it's high freaking time I do something that I WANT TO DO DAMNIT!!! jeepers.

Woah. I scared myself a little there...

There have been huge planes going over my house lately. Why?

Maybe the government is on to me... muwahahahah.... they are video-taping my activity!

So. Want to know what pisses me off?

Of course you do! Katy Perry. Ugly mo-fo needs to put a bag over her head and just stop singing. Seriously. I can't take it anymore. Uhhhh do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Go fuck yourself.

WOAH. Stop it Jaime... be nice! I'm sorry, she just irritates the hell out of me with each ri-EFFING-diculous song she puts out. Know who pisses me off almost more? Orange. Hehe, I mean Pink. WTF? See, and I normally do not use these types of expressions, but since we are talking about a color here it's perfectly acceptable...

Uhhhhh I'm Piiiink.... I'm ugly but everybody likes me... uhhhh....

And really, Perry's freaking "I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It" song is lacking so much thought that it makes me want to gnaw my thumb off....

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it

I hope my boyfriend don't mind it? So, in other words, this could say "I hope my boyfriend do not mind it?

Really? Genius. I can't imagine what type of girl would want to kiss this ugly excuse for a woman. Really.

And I must say, that if she were a nice person with nice lyrics I would not comment on how freaking disgusting she looks. But hey, I'm Jaime and I do things like that.

I have opinions. So sue me. Go ahead. I DARE you...

Okay, more later!!!

Single and looking for a surgeon!

Hi! I'm single again.. story of my life isn't it? teehee...

SO. I am looking for a plastic surgeon. I will get my way. Since they won't let me have gastric, I am going the lipo tummy tuck route. How cool is THAT?! I will get my way. Don't you worry!

I was imagining what it would feel like to not have a giant bulge. I think it would feel awesome! yaaaaaaaay me!

Know what though? This want of mine goes against everything I claim to be... including 'i don't care what people think and I am who I am'. But, my "specially made for me Horoscope" told me today that to feel good, I have to look good today. So. It goes with what I've been missing all my life: a chance to feel good because I look good.


I want a chance in this world. And the man of my dreams could be out there, but neither of us will know it based on what I look like and how I view myself. SO. Times are changing, it's 2011. I must make a change. I've always played it safe. Well, NO MORE! I am going to take risks, have an entrepreneurial spirit.

I think that would be amazing for me! What do you think?

Know what else I decided as of late? I refuse to settle and I have opinions, but I will NOT change that because of someone else. I like who I am. I like my opinions. I like my refusal to settle. I'm okay with that part of me :)

Okay, I have to go drink tea now, so I will write more, as I have had a lot of thoughts lately...

Toodles with noodles,

Jaime Lee