Equalizer

Hi everybody!

I walked more! I did I did. Be proud!

My brother wants me to go to the gym with him.. aww! He said he will always go with me and it will be super fun. Awwwww! How sweet is that? I have a good brother..

I might take him up on that actually. Aww....

I have a nagging suspicion that the person who robbed us works for us currently. I don't know why, but, this person has been acting so weird... I think it's her. I don't trust her. I don't like her.

Meet my dolly:

She's a good dolly. She will help me get even. She's my equalizer.

I was thinking about something today. This new friend person I've mentioned, I'm confused about it. Because, he's so nice, and doesn't have to be, he doesn't have to talk to me but he does, and he's been extremely helpful in an area of my life that I so needed that motivation. He's extremely good looking though. It doesn't fit. You know what I mean? Good looking people usually go with arrogant assholes.

Take my ex for example. One time when we were fighting, I mentioned that I wanted to break up with him because I could not stand him anymore. He just stood there all arrogantly, smoking a cigarette (ew), and said "you'll never leave me".

I was stunned and said "Yeah? Why not?"

He just said "psht. I mean, look at me." And pointed to himself.

He was serious.

Now, in all fairness, yes, he did have a nice body. Well, at least for a few first months, yes. Very nice. Can't complain about that. Nothing wrong with that. But why should that turn a person into an arrogant dick-hole, so much to where you think no woman would ever leave you because of it?

But. He wasn't drop-dead gorgeous though. His only good looks related to his body. That's all.

I never cared, to be quite honest, those things don't tend to enter my mind when being with a person. It was his personality I unfortunately found attractive.

I hope I am never like that. It's such an unattractive quality. It's all well and fine if you are good looking. I think I have good features too, but, so what? I know that if I take some time with hair and makeup I can look really good. I know it. But does it matter? :(

Psht. OH! So that was my point. This particular person is nice looking and is voluntarily nice. It throws me off. I'd like to give him a medal for it. Granted, I hardly know him, but, it was a kind act to even talk to a stranger in the first place, let alone help me with something.

But anyways. Yes, I am happy that I finally got a push from a person I hardly know to start running/walking again... I got over my fear of ending up in a hospital. And I feel really good. I had been missing that feeling. So, I'm glad.

My dad made these amazing cake things. They are like, french chocolate cake, with an irish cream/custard filling. Amazing.

But, I can't really eat that kind of stuff. I wanted it, but, I said no :) Teehee.

I always wonder who even reads this blog. Like, who cares enough to read what I have to say? I don't think there could possibly be one person who likes what I write.

Hm.

Either way, it lets me put my thoughts on 'paper', since I don't have anyone to talk to :)

My two men online are equally intriguing me. One is Mike. One is Todd. They both were chefs at some point. How cool is THAT? One worked at the casino here, and that is super awesome. But, he's enlisting or something, but he seems to be super excited about it, as that is his family's legacy. I admire that so much. So, even if I don't get to know him long, I'll be glad I got to talk to someone neat like that :)

Obama is pissing me off something horrible. I swear. I think I have to call the White House and talk to him directly. He needs to know how much I dislike him. I think this is important for America to know my opinion. :)

I've been watching all the republican debates. The only person I want to see is Gingrich. I don't like Paul, I don't like Romney as much anymore, I like Santorum, but, I don't think he can win. I appreciate Romney's business sense, but, I can't see him leading the country. Gingrich I can.

I have to go eat a salad now, so, I will write more randomness later!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Gingrich Supporter :)

Hands are awesome.

Hello again...

Okay... so, why do so many people have to be named Mike.

I swear to god.

There are three men who are potentially interested in me. Online. Yes I know, but, it's a start. So, TWO of them are named Mike. The other one is Todd. That's a neat name.

Now, in all fairness, I always loved the name mike. I actually always thought the man of my dreams would be a Mike.

Perhaps why I just figured that my mike was 'the one'.

Cough.

So... this could be awkward because I can't even say the name anymore without getting mad...

Maybe I can convince them to change their names... :)

Silly Jaime.

But one is a chef, one used to be a chef, and I forget what the other one does. But I can appreciate chefs, I think that's cool. But one is going into the army or something... :(

Hm.

I am off to go draw some hands.

Look at the one I did in high school!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Hand Drawer Fanatic

YAAAAY!

Know what!!

I DID it!

Well... I fast walked... but I did ten whole laps! 2.5 miles! Super fun. I had cool music too. That makes it go by really quickly...

So... I mean, I had some blurriness like last time, but, I didn't go overboard...

So... small steps... uh huh.

No relapses for Jaime! YAY ME! I will do good... I promise.

Yes.

Go me.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Fast Walker

Runner?

Hi everyone!

Know what I almost did today? Ran. On a treadmill.

But.

I got scared again.

But. Perhaps I will. I just should. Shouldn't I?

Yes. Okay. I think I will. Yes.

Hm.

I will update later if I actually do...

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Runner?

Bad Person Award

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN1vFESbfZk

I like pickles.

A lot.

I am usually very happy when I have a pickle.

Is that weird? I think it is.

I need to figure out how I know my new friend. I swear I know him. So weird. When we talk, I swear I've been talking to him for years. He just seems to know everything already. So strange. But interestingly enough, it's insanely comforting. He's so sweet.

Jaime deserves a nice friend, does she not?

God sent him here for me! Hehe. God sent me a friend! Who is nice to me! YAAAAAY!

I've decided that I want to start drawing again, and he has such a nice shaped face, and such a handsome face, that I want to draw it. Is that weird? I'd also like to draw his hands.

I'm a hand fanatic. As you all know. Very few people have nice hands. And hands are so great to draw... and I'm awesome at it.

I just wonder if that's weird to say.

Hrmph.

I always wanted to draw David's hands too, but, he turned into a psycho-lunatic before I could accomplish that.

Hehe.

Wow. Remember David? Man. Crazy asshole. What the fuck ever happened with him? I almost totally forgot who he was. I remember a few months ago I could not, for the life of me, remember his last name.

aaaaaack!

Evil. Aww.. Looked like he actually liked me! Imagine that?

Psht. Frickin... douche ass fucker.

Woah. I'm sorry... that was mean. I'm sorry! Certain things get me all mad! And bad words come out!

Sorry... :(

So.

Input picture here:

AAAAHHHHHH!

Bad Douche Boyfriend #1.

Woah. I was going through my pictures, and found this one!!!! Evil!!!! Ugh. Look at that though. I looked happy! Imagine that? Little did I know that Evil Fucker was lying to me. And probably cheating on me at this point too. And being bad. And being evil.

Baaaaaad. Baaaaaaaaaaaad person. Bad Person Award. BPE.

Psht.

But hey. That's life for you, huh?

Hehe.

I smell chicken in the kitchen now, so I am hungry...

Will write more laters!!!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Awesomeness

Imagine.

Well hello!

My cat has worms. That bothers me. Hrmph.

I've been confused lately. I think. ??

I'm wondering who I am. Like really. Who am I? Who is Jaime? Would my personality be the same if I had different experiences throughout my life? Would I be a good person if I hadn't been made fun of? Would I be different if I had the perfect body?

Those answers scare me. I would hate to think that if things were different, I would not be who I am today. Which I like. I like who I am. And I'm proud of who I am and the things I stand for. So. I just wonder.

Hm.

Input picture. Let's find a good one...

Woah. INteresting. I think that is from 2003. Man. What was I doing in that picture? No idea. But look! it's all mysterious.

So. I'm getting all frustrated with myself. Every day I keep saying to myself that I will start running.

Every day I don't.

Why?

Still afraid. But. Like. Isn't enough enough? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I love running. I always have. I loved the feeling. I loved seeing results. I just didn't like the hospital stay afterwards. So. Logically that would mean that I over-did it right? But. What does that mean? According to the doctor, I can't raise my body temperature too much or I'll have a relapse. So. What does that mean? I can exercise but can't sweat? Then what the hell is the point? And what the hell good is it doing?

I'm mad. Because I miss running so much. So so much.

Help me. I remember when I was in track in school. hehe. I did the hurdles!! I could JUMP! Imagine such a thing? Super fun. I was awesome.

Then, I was a cheerleader! That was awesome too. I loved it! But... mean girl made me turn into a recluse. I resent that so much. I'm mad at myself for letting someone else determine that path I would start down... being shy. Feeling unworthy. Started using food to sooth my bad experiences in high school, immediately following the mean girl making a comment to me.

What if I hadn't let that stop me? I would have tried out for high school cheerleading. Probably would have made it, I was good at it. Would have had different friends. Would have stayed more active. Would have seen myself different for the rest of my life.

Imagine?

Hm.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Wonderer

Apologies and such.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN1vFESbfZk

Remember to play it!

Hi everyone! I've been having way too much fun playing Twilight Princess. I know it sounds like I have an obsession, but I swear I don't. I just love this game. Doesn't matter how many times I play it, it never gets old. Still makes me tear up at some points!

Jaime loves Midna.

So, my new friend is intriguing me. I swear I know him. But he's so nice and I'm so confused by this. Why? Haven't had a male be that nice to me in so long. It was rather good timing that he just came along and wanted to be friends. It's weird though, he seems to know so many things about me... Like I said before, I swear I know him. Or have known him before.

He actually made me cry a little when he told me he can tell I'm a good, sweet person. How does a perfect stranger get that, but anyone I've come in contact with just doesn't get it or takes advantage of that? Hrm.

He asked about my last serious relationship, which was mike, and I had to think about the answers because I've repressed so much of those two years. I really had to think. Imagine that? My repression skills are amazing.

But it just reminded me again or how I wish I could get an apology. A specific apology. Meaning: Oh, I'm sorry I wouldn't allow you to talk to other men, but I chose to be-friend a young single woman and take her to and from work every day. That was wrong of me and I'm sorry"

That's all I ever wanted him to say. Closure.

There is no closure. I don't think there ever will be. It boggles my mind how he just doesn't get how bad he was for doing that.

Psht. Fucking idiot.

But. Like my friend said, I was too good for him. I agree. But it'd still be nice to get an apology for that one.

Oh well. I have to go make a turkey sandwich! No..Ham. And cheese. Yes. And play Twilight Princess. I am about to start the Lakebed Temple.

I'm super jazzed about this.

Will write more!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11

INteresting...

Well!

My new friend and I had a wonderful conversation on the phone for two whole hours last night! Imagine that? Complete stranger. I swear I know him. Maybe from another life?

He said the cutest thing though... I was apparently being so cute, and he said he swears he's going to turn into a cute ducky on a skittles cloud, by how cute I was being!!

TEEHEE!

Imma cutie.

Where do I know him from?

Love,

Jaime Lee

Skittle Cloud Maker

Smitten?

Well.

God apparently just listened to my last request.

The request to send me my soul mate.

Something weird happened today and I've been smiling the whole time. Some guy wanted to be friends on Facebook, and I accepted, not knowing who he is, and he liked about 15 of my photos, and then messaged me and said he was looking for a friend, and noticed we had a lot in common, and decided to try me out, and he's pleasantly surprised. :D I've never just talked to a stranger and been completely comfortable like this.

I'm telling you, this is so bizarre. I swear I know him. The feeling is there. I've known him my whole life.

I can't explain it.

I'm so confused. He gave me his number. He's so cute. Why do I feel like I know him?

Love,

Jaime Lee

Smitten in NY

To Be Thin, Or Not To Be Thin.

Hello!

Oh, remember my theme music! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN1vFESbfZk

I have almost worked up the nerve to start running again. I have to get over the fear! Help me!

I cannot live my life in fear. Run. Run!!! I can't worry about not walking anymore. I'd rather try at least. You know?

My brother is off looking at cars to buy with my dad. I hope he gets something cool. I liked sharing my car though. He washed it for me!!!

This nice weather is depressing me. I know, that sounds backwards. But it just makes me wish I had someone to enjoy it with again. Like camping. I miss that so so much. But. Maybe this summer will be the summer of Jaime being thin! Yeeeah. Then a whole new life can start for me. I'll get good-looking boyfriends! Hehe. Imagine that? I could get a nice studly one. So sad that I don't feel worthy enough in my current state. But hell. Thin Jaime=Hotness.

Yup. Fo shizzle.

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow. Don't wanna. Don't make me.

But. I love seeing my dentist, he's so nice. Makes it all okay.

I'm thinking I will get a new hair style. Something very different than just thin long hair parted in the middle. Hehe.

Okay. I'll go ponder that, and will write more after I record something!

Love,

Jaime Lee

11:11

Calling all Soul-Mates!

Good evening, everyone!

My sausage potato soup was a success!! Tasted EXACTLY like Olive Garden's. I was so happy. And better yet? My family LOVED it! They had no idea a soup could be so good. Apparently I can cook, and I am so happy.

I think I am going to be getting a new phone soon. I've had the same phone for three boyfriends! That is a true testament to LG. Most people's phones hardly last a year it seems. I just think it's time for a change. I don't want a phone that has been associated with three bad relationships.

Might get an iPhone. With a cool cover. I want a Midna one. My brother found me one. I am super jazzed about this.

I think my cell has a tracking device in it anyways. Always did think that. Why did I never do something about it? No idea.

My period was three days late. That bothers me. And was freaking me out something major. But no worries. It's here. And it hurts.

Stress can do major things on your body!

I played Twilight Princess today. Justin walked in and said "yeah, this does seem better than Skyward Sword after all"

UH HUH! I mean, I had fun with SS, but something was missing. There was a feeling missing from it. Twilight fulfills that feeling for me. I love Midna. :)

Do you believe in soul mates? I think I do. I think that is the ultimate search here on earth; find your soul mate. That one person that you know is connected you to, that person that makes your heart flutter when you see them. That one person you can sit with all day long doing nothing and being content... that one person you can talk to for hours on end.

I want that. I thought I had it once, but, apparently not. God was playing games with me. Silly God!

So. God? Send me my soul mate. Insert here. Jaime deserves something good.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Soul-Mate Seeker

Mixed feelings...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN1vFESbfZk

Well hello!

The funeral today was very nice... very nice service. I hope my uncle would be proud :)

Went to Grandes afterwards and had a nice lunch. It's nice to catch up with the family...

I had a reminder on my phone yesterday that disturbed me. It read: "Three Year Anniversary with Mike!!!"

Hahahaha.... I was like "AWWWWWW" well I should get him something!

Then I was remembering how I was planning something insane for three years. It was going to include an awesome trip. I was so excited. Well. I'm not now, obviously. But I remembered how excited I WAS to surprise him. :(

Made me reflective yesterday and I was left with a sense of feeling so sorry for him. Something I have never felt for him other than when I could see that he was longing for a family of some type. Apparently it makes me sad that his mom and dad never gave him a chance in this world... they set him up for failure. And I'm sorry for that.

So... I suppose that's what this post is about. I hate injustice. And I've always hated that his own parents never gave him a chance. All he has is feelings of inadequacy, whether he knows it or not, and a feeling of never being good enough. The fact that his mom is talking to his abusive father has got to cause something weird in his head too. It's not fair. I know I bitch a lot about him, and rightfully so, he's a fucking liar, I still feel sorry for his life.

And now he's married with kids. He's all messed up. I hope he finds normalcy. But, I don't think I can ever get over what he did to me and how he did it. It was all deceitful. And I resent that so much.

I am making sausage potato soup tomorrow after work! Super excited for this... I hope I can make it good!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11

Yoda?

My soup is on hold until Sunday!

Why? Because my mom's uncle died... the funeral is tomorrow.... Love you Uncle Ralph! Good man. I will miss him. :)

I had a psychic dream! My psychic-ness is back to full-throttle lately. So watch out. I can do uncanny things when the power is with me :) Let the force be with you.. muwahahahah.

My head is very dizzy. I think I'm sick again. Is that possible?

The girls were asking me when my last serious relationship took place. My answer was over a year. They seemed concerned, and said "Doesn't it seem like, time to get back on the horse?"

Hehe. I said I understood, but, I've been far too happy being single. I had way too many headaches and I was not myself.

Love,

Jaime Lee

Voodoo at work?

*play this while reading, as it is Jaime's Theme music now...* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN1vFESbfZk

hehe...

Hrm...

My mom was trying to ask about my guys, and she said "have you heard from Mike?"

:O

Um... mom?

She felt really bad, and she told me that she's been thinking of him a lot. Like there's something going on. She can feel it.

I found this rather interesting, as I told her there's been a mike aura lately.

Hm. What can that mean? I swear though, I hope nothing horrible happens, and I have NOT practiced with my voodoo doll or anything. I swear! I'm too much of a chicken-shit to do that now.

Hm. I love Adele. I want to be her friend. I think I will be!

I am making my zuppa toscana tomorrow! Picking up sausage at Roma's, and hope they don't act like dirty old men this time, and making soup. Hopefully my brother is making breadsticks tonight... oh. My god.

Can't wait!

I'll let you know how it turns out!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Zuppa Toscana Lover

I love you.

Jaime hearts Adele.

I swear, I wish I could tell her how awesome she is. Not just what an amazing singer she is, but what an amazing woman she is. I love the fact that her whole album was about a 'rubbish relationship'. How strong she must be to wear all of her emotions on her sleeve like that.

Amazing.

Maybe one day I will write about my experiences, in hopes of inspiring people. :) This song always reminds me of someone... I think she has had the same experiences as me! Aww... Adele... I love you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lWUNwxz3-U&feature=related

Jaime hearts Adele. Forever.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Adele Admirer

Teeheehee.... hehehehehe!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTYG84lpIQM&feature=related

Hehehehehehe....

Pondering.

Hello!

I found a recipe for Olive Garden soup... I hope it's the same.. I am going to make it, my dad said he will help me!

Oh. My god. I can't wait. I have not had Olive Garden soup since... long time ago. Probably like a year and a half or two! Woah. Time flies.

Oh my god. Sausage potato soup... *orgasm*

I'm confused. Mike's sister wants to be friends on some gamey thingy now. This is the same sister that deleted me from Facebook because it was causing problems... and then her husband just casually talks to me now.

Okay... Why all the drama? The only thing I mentioned to the brother in law was that I didn't see how me joining his ghost thingy would be appropriate, considering the history, and the fact that his wife deleted me because of mike... all he told me was that it was all mike, and not to worry about it.

So. You break up with someone, and I'm still 'allowed' to talk to his family members? Even weirder, is that they all kept calling me and texting me as soon as it happened, to tell me what an idiot mike is and what a bastard he is. Then her daughter even started texting me, telling me how much she will miss me... then I was invited to a few birthday parties...

Is something fishy here? Should I be wary of this clan?

And I'm not sure why I should care, but, I guess I need to know, because I liked them all at one point. Thought they didn't match the rest of the family. Like they were normal, and the other side of the family were frickin' loons.

Hrm. I will ponder this now.

I think I will be taking out my two girls at work, treat them to dinner to get to know them on a different level.

I've only ever done this once before... so maybe this will be good. They are both nice girls, and we get along unlike any others. So. Yeah.

I need soup.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11 Soup Lover

Dream dream dream....

Good morrow!

Teehee. I am still sick. I coughed up a sticky thing. That bothers me.

I had a weird dream last night. It bothered me. I had a dream that me and mike were in my car driving up and down route 12. I was not saying anything to him, but he just kept apologizing to me. But I refused to accept his apology. I just said nothing. Then he put his head on my chest, like right over my heart, and said "I just miss you... you know?"

And I still wouldn't say anything.

I think his head on my chest was symbolic. Probably relates to how I am dedicated to protecting my heart now. Not let anyone manipulate me or lie to me. And I suppose mike is the epitome of lies and manipulation to me. Although the dream felt nice... it was comfortable, just like how I remember feeling with him. Like a connection that was other-worldly.

But. Despite the feeling, I would not say anything. But he was sort of cowering to me. Hrm.

I will hopefully go out soon. I want that. I like dating. Yup. Kissing too. Kissing is fun.

I started my quest over on Twilight Princess. I have a problem.

My brother recently told me that he's decided to stay single for a long time. I gave him a high-five for that one... smart kid :) My older brother just looked at us funny.... I suppose because he always has someone.

I'm different. I enjoy getting to know myself. Being alone. If you want in, you're going to have to prove a lot. Do the right thing. Let me see your email if I ask. Let me see your phone if I ask. Come home when you say you are going to. Not cart around strange young women to and from work to 'be a nice guy', not lie about past relationships, not lie about your relationship with your parents, not lie PERIOD.

Fuck.

Ahem. Apparently I got mad again..!

I'd better go, I have to write back to the sweetie man that needs my help with MS... I love helping people!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11

Ahhhh...

Well hello!

My cat has decided he will walk around on tables... I do not accept this. Bad Goomba!

I just checked my phone and I missed a call from Chris... YAY! No... not yay that I missed it, just yay that he called!

I have to go call him back. Yay! Funness... muscles... cuteness...

Excuse me. A girl can have fun, can't she? He's very nice. :)

I am still sick. But life is good. I was thinking about my new outlook on life. Why? I was asked what I am looking for in dating, and I always say I'm not looking for anything serious. Which I know, sounds wrong, but, it's the truth.

Companionship. How is that? That's fine. I am not looking for someone to break my heart again. So, best way for that not to happen? Don't care for someone!!! Unless they are amazing and prove themselves to me. Yup.

I really want tacos. I am craving them. Input tacos!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Taco Lover

Sick Still...

I am still sick! Help me Lord!

Something is weird. A few minutes ago, Mike's brother-in-law messaged me on Facebook. I don't get it. His sister deletes me and says that it's causing problems (no idea what that means) but her husband can talk to me? Makes no sense.

He wants me to join his ghost hunting thingy. Sounds super fun. But um.... conflict of interest much? I say yes.

The world is all messed up. Aren't there like, rules about this stuff?

I am currently talking to him about ghosts now. But... how does this fit into the rules?

Oh well. Oops. Now he just invited me to his class.

What is a girl to do?

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Confused in New York

Pulling!

I decided this song is my theme song. It's official. Always play this when thinking about me or reading my blog.

You have to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN1vFESbfZk

Amazing. Song. It has hope. This song is my life. I will live! I will be okay.

I was talking to the girls at work and a Michael Buble song came on, and I always say "My husband is singing!!"

They know I want him. I think he is the perfect man for me. I will find him.

The girls keep asking me about Muscles. Hehe. He said he'd call, so we'll see! But, they worried me by asking if he takes steroids and if his neck is big.

His neck is big... in fact I commented about it to him once. Oh noes...

I am sick. I can't breathe. And my sinuses hurt! I have to have a root canal done on Thursday, so I'd better feel better!

A person contacted me through youtube about MS! He was recently diagnosed and he's asking me all these things... I love helping people. As Muscles once said, I'd be a perfect counselor. He even said that seems to be my calling; helping people.

I think he was onto something! I hope I can help this young man, he sounds so scared. My advise is always to stay positive and miracles can happen... I'm living proof :)

I've been eying my voodoo doll lately. I have not attempted anything, because before I tried it I wanted to make sure my thought process was correct and if it did in fact work, how I'd feel with knowing that I made that happen.

I know I sound crazy, but, I've proven time and time again that I can influence things to happen... I don't know if I'll get bad karma out of this... :( Or if the person is even worth my time and energy.

I've also had a pulling sensation in my heart again lately. Something is calling to me. I have no idea what it is, but, something is going on in the universe.

The only other times that ever happened related back to Mike. I had that feeling so bad the night before he texted me out of the blue. That feeling actually worried me... Is it possible I can sense people's emotions? On that level? Or does that mean that I'm still connected to him somehow? Ugh.

I really wish he'd apologize though. I could use that.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11

Run?

I think I've decided what kind of man I want! If I want a man at all.

But if I were to want a certain kind of person, I think I want a person in the military.

I seem to perceive them as having higher morals. Which is what I've been searching for my whole life. Someone that does the right thing. And someone who does not lie.

I just watched Sleepless in Seattle. What a good movie. But I was cringing watching it because it forced me to think about someone, with the whole feeling that you were destined to be with someone, and your souls need each other.

So, I was slightly mad again. Because no matter how much I don't want to think about certain people, certain things will forever remind me. Songs, movies, that type of stuff.

I believe I will start running again. I've spent three years being afraid of relapsing, but I'm tired of being afraid. I will go for it. And if it lands me in the hospital, oh well, right?

Do it up.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Runner Girl

Update to Football Tattoo

Update!

I am officially a football girl...

Never thought that would happen, didya!?!

Oh. My god. I loved it. Especially the muscley men... yum. Just put me in mind of my last date... wanted to bite him all over. Ahem.

But still! Football is fun now. I never understood it before.

Jaime gets it.

Jaime wants more.

Input football...

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Football Girl

Football Tattoo?

That's me. With a Giant's tattoo... I shared my tattoos with my brother's girlfriend Vicki! We're all made up!

I don't watch football. So, why did I do this? To bond!

My family is here. And I am happy :)

Love,

Jaime Lee

Non-Football Person

Lovely Lady

Hello again! Two posts in one day? Aren't you lucky?!

My family and I are having a Superbowl party! It's rather funny since nobody in my family watches football... But. It will be a great Eat Food Day, so I'm excited.

Chris said he will call me, and it makes me happy that I at least get a call back... but I have sort of a guilt thing going on. I mean, like I said before, I did tell him that I don't want a serious relationship. I explained why, and all that happy stuff, told him a few things about some exes and how they relate to me not wanting a serious relationship. He got it. But, I hope he did for real though. Because I would hate to mislead someone.

But. He's fun. So... that's okay right? He showed me all his trophies for lifting too! Super cute. I was all proud of him. He has nice arms. That I want to bite. hehehehe.

But after the date, I really did realize that I love being single. Not attached. Not having to care. I still can't believe I think this way now. I only really now realize how much damage Mike did to my thinking. I knew it was different, but, it hit home after my date.

I don't want to care for someone. Ever.

I want to be by myself forever. It would have to take a pretty special man to change my thinking. The bar is raised so high that I don't think anyone could realistically hit it.

But! Life is good. I'm still super happy. I have someone to do things with, and I have my independence! And I have my family. I have my health. Go me!

The asian kid was at the gas station again... he was about to take my money then said "I have to hug you again... I'm going to..."

So he came around the thing and hugged me again!!!! It was a tight hug, too... He asked me how my life is and I replied "it's going good! Boring, but good!"

So he said "Well... maybe you and I could do something and we could change the boring thing together!"

Awwwwwww..... So I told him I'd let him know! So cute. The fact that a perfectly handsome man voluntarily hugs me, and tells me what a 'lovely lovely lady' I am, really makes me happy. Why haven't any boyfriends realized this? But a stranger does... makes me smile!

That will be my theme song now... "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder. Nice.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Pretty Lady

Okay. Listen to this song while looking at the picture. Aww. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVvkjuEAwgU

TEEHEE!

Five points awarded for muscles.

Thursday Date=Success.

Hehe. But no, really. I can't see a future with him... I think it's mainly the age thing, he's 36. But he's fun to hang out with, we have good conversations. Is it wrong to just like to be around someone? I did mention that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship... he seemed alright with it for now.

So, we'll see!!

So, I was honest... I had to let him know. And he has nice arms. So. That counts for five points.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Hero Mode=HARD!

Well hello again!

I'm so excited about going out on Thursday... he's got me so intrigued. I want to know more!

I'm playing Skyward Sword again, but on Hero Mode! Holy fricker is it hard... you take twice the damage and there are no hearts sprouting anywhere!

But I am going to feel so awesome when I beat it again.

I've been so happy this year. I mean, excluding some small problems, I've grown so much. I'm happier with myself. I'm okay by myself. I have learned that I don't need another person to complete me; I'm awesome by myself!

I think that growth, in turn, will help with any future relationships. I've learned that men find me attractive, and funny, and desirable. I couldn't say that honestly about myself before. Now I can. :) So, in a weird way, I'm glad I've had my heart smashed so many times... made me realize my true potential.

So. I so missed that feeling of kissing someone for the first time.. that rush... you know what I mean? I guess that's why I don't want to get married now, because I miss that feeling!! Hehe. I love the beginnings of things. So exciting.

I have to go now, play some more stuff, then go to my dentist appointment, then to my date!!!!!

Wish me luck!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Kissing Maniac

Random.

I'm so excited for how nice it is outside... feels fresh. Feels new. I feel like it's a new start.

Indeed. I was telling the girls how I have a date Thursday night... and the one girl goes

"With which one?? Muscles?!?"

Haha. I just grinned.

I'm telling you though.. there was something so comfortable with being in his arms... Felt safe. I haven't felt safe with a man. Ever.

Sad isn't it? Shouldn't you feel safe when you're around a man? Not feel threatened or think that he's going to hit you?

Yes. I say yes indeedy!

So. That was a weird thing to say isn't it? Feel worried that a man is going to hit you? Maybe I should talk to somebody! :)

I have to go now!

Love always,

Jaime Lee