Imagine.

Well hello!

My cat has worms. That bothers me. Hrmph.

I've been confused lately. I think. ??

I'm wondering who I am. Like really. Who am I? Who is Jaime? Would my personality be the same if I had different experiences throughout my life? Would I be a good person if I hadn't been made fun of? Would I be different if I had the perfect body?

Those answers scare me. I would hate to think that if things were different, I would not be who I am today. Which I like. I like who I am. And I'm proud of who I am and the things I stand for. So. I just wonder.

Hm.

Input picture. Let's find a good one...

Woah. INteresting. I think that is from 2003. Man. What was I doing in that picture? No idea. But look! it's all mysterious.

So. I'm getting all frustrated with myself. Every day I keep saying to myself that I will start running.

Every day I don't.

Why?

Still afraid. But. Like. Isn't enough enough? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I love running. I always have. I loved the feeling. I loved seeing results. I just didn't like the hospital stay afterwards. So. Logically that would mean that I over-did it right? But. What does that mean? According to the doctor, I can't raise my body temperature too much or I'll have a relapse. So. What does that mean? I can exercise but can't sweat? Then what the hell is the point? And what the hell good is it doing?

I'm mad. Because I miss running so much. So so much.

Help me. I remember when I was in track in school. hehe. I did the hurdles!! I could JUMP! Imagine such a thing? Super fun. I was awesome.

Then, I was a cheerleader! That was awesome too. I loved it! But... mean girl made me turn into a recluse. I resent that so much. I'm mad at myself for letting someone else determine that path I would start down... being shy. Feeling unworthy. Started using food to sooth my bad experiences in high school, immediately following the mean girl making a comment to me.

What if I hadn't let that stop me? I would have tried out for high school cheerleading. Probably would have made it, I was good at it. Would have had different friends. Would have stayed more active. Would have seen myself different for the rest of my life.

Imagine?

Hm.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Wonderer