sad. pathetic. post.

hello,

so the numby numb has started its descent down my body, has reached my special place (thank god for auto=corret right noww whoops maybe not) and i can't feel my fingers.  t his is taking forever.

i need to schedule my mir that they called about no.  mri stop correcting me

i need to get that done but i want to die right now, ai and i am so tired that i want to die.  

of course that means my money is going to go bye-bye again, i decided that i am not meant to ever get a break, despite trying to be so positive.  

i have learned positivity has got me nowhere in life.  nobody will help me.  i am destined to live at home with no money and no social life and no friends and no sex and no ANYTHING for the rest of my life.

sounds pretty pathetic, huh?  meanwhile everyond else is getting married and hafing fabies no.  babies.  and being happy.  and i am over here like an idiot, not being able to type because of my stupid ass disease, the disease that is screwing over my entire life.  hey, it would be all fine and dandy if i could have some LITTLE BIT of help in terms of money.  but hey.  can't seem to make that happen.  hm.  nice.  

so my whole idea of having a tiny house to live in so i feel like somewhat of a real human-being?  NOPE.  jaime can't have that.  meanwhile there are idiots all over the place taking advantage of the system, getting disability for a "back problem", or "anxiety" (yes i actually know of these people, so don't think I'm just making that up).  and I'm sitting here being the positive idiot, not asking for much, not lying, not complaining, smiling, trying to make everyone else happy, and I'm the one that will finish last.  because why?  I was nice and positive and didn't like attention to my problems with the ms.  so.  to sum up.  turns out i should have been legit complaining eey  no every single day of my life and perhaps i'd be able to have a life.  yup.

who actually want ss to hear this?  i HATE PEOPLE THAT OMPLAIDN  NO.  OMPLIN  NO  HOLY JESUS I CAN'T TYPE.  

yeah.

looking at this freaking copluter no.  computer sreen is making me go blurry and makes my head hurt.

i have to go.  i am sorry that i complained.  i don't like it.  never did.  but I'm the idiot for NOT complaining my entire life.  bravo, jaime.  

Bravo.

I am always right, says numb nom nom.

So!  I knew a relapse was coming...aaaaamd I was right.  :(  numb hands and feet, crying all the time, blurry eyes, blah blah blah.

Can't type.

Byebye

Chapter 2: Jaime's Challenge

Question.  What happens when I tire of being positive?  What happens when I can't see the light anymore?  What happens when I realize I've been living my life for everyone else, then feel used, abused, and uncared for?  What will happen when I don't want to try anymore?

We will find out soon enough.

Random pictorals. Pictoralage. Hehe.