Wind Waker! Wake of the Wind!

Hello :)

My 10 year reunion is coming up!  I wonder if I will go to that.  I'm not sure I really care enough to.  But perhaps this would be good for me.  Maybe I will :)

I remember asking Mike if he would go with me.  Pfffffft.

Speaking of which, I think I've seen him twice now in his car.  All in the same vicinity.  Hmmm..... INteresting.   I hope he's not stalking me.  Pffffft.

I like that word.  Do you?  Pffffft.

My ears are plugged up.  I think I'm sick now.  This is all bad.  I want to feel better.  I really do.

I played Wind Waker yesterday and my brother helped me.  I beat the second place.  Yay me!  Fun game.  Already better than frickin' Skyward Sword.  Pfffffft.

I have to go find food.  I'm hungry.

Love always,

Jaime Lee
11:11

Zelda Rant

Hello all!

I can't wait to watch American Idol tonight... I hope my two favorites don't go.  I will cry.  :(

I am about to do the Goron Mines on Twilight Princess.

My brother and I decided we could come up with an amazing Zelda game and it would most likely be the best in the series.  We've been bouncing ideas back and forth and we have amazing ideas.  I want to find out who to go to about this... I'm dead serious.

I care about the Zelda games too much to let them keep messing things up.  Like Skyward Sword.  I was so upset.  It was not what I thought.  No epic.  No character development.

I just had one tiny tear at this one part in Twilight Princess... that means you are CONNECTED to the characters... they feel REAL, you feel their pain!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnvu2UbZwhE

The main part begins at :55 seconds and then the end part, the epicness at 3:36, then 3:50 on.  You can FEEL their emotions.  You understand.  The little boy understands!  He gets what his father was talking about when he mentioned strength.  He gets it.  I love this game.  And THEN when the other little boy tries to pick him up to help him!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9ADFcIJE7U

Then.  This.  What... the FUCK?

Ugh.  I can't explain how much I dislike this game the more I think about it.

I need to blog about Zelda.  All the time.  I think I'm right.

I have to go play more Twilight then go to sleep more...

Love always,

Jaime Lee
11:11

American Idol, yay!

I love Phillip Phillips.  And Skylar Laine.  I think they should both win.  Then get married.  And then adopt me.

Love always,

Jaime Lee
11:11

Jaime Loves Midna

Hello!

It is 8:10.  I will be going back to sleep soon, but, I decided I would write again.

I can't explain how much I love Twilight Princess and how genius of a game it is.  I keep discussing it with my brother.  I love it.  I can't get enough of the story.  You get involved with the characters.  You feel what is going on.  I love it.

Then there was Skyward Sword.  Blah.

So, I hauled out a whole bunch of garbage bags today, but my mom stopped me and wanted to go through them to see if she wanted anything I was throwing out.  She picked out a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts for my brother to keep.  They are Mike's.  Ha.  I warned her, but she couldn't throw them out because they were perfectly fine and nice brands.

I told her fine, as long as I don't have to look at them.  Then I found his swim shorts, and my brother wanted those too.  haha.   I found it kind of amusing.

Then I was reminiscing and told them how when he was giving me back some of my stufsh

some stu

som
some of

no


Whe

When he was giving back my stuff that I left at his apartment, he gave me some other girl's jeans back.  LOL.

I didn't find that amusing then, but, now I actually laughed.  I found it funny.  I was like "um... those aren't mine, HONEY".

Psht.

So.  I feel a change coming.  Not sure how, but, something is coming.  Something positive for me though.  My brother and I were talking about the lottery, and we both know that we will win.  I know I can.  I just don't know when.  Don't you worry.  I will prevail.   :)

I hope Obama doesn't get re-elected.  I think I will cry if that happens.  Somebody has to make sure he does not win!  He's bad.  I know it.  Bad bad bad.  I'm not actually too enthused about any of the potential candidates this time.  I know Romney will get the nomination, but, I'm not enthusiastic about it.  His people called asking for a donation of $100.  Um.  I wish I had $100.

Pffft.

I have to go play more Twilight Princess, I am doing the second part, before the second temple.  So exciting.  I love Midna.

Love always,

Jaime Lee
11:11

Update to "Branded"

Hello!

I looked up a possible explanation for that last dream.

To see a familiar name written in your dream symbolizes the way you feel about that person. Your intuition about them may turn out to be true.

Now, does that mean that he will, in some way, always be a part of my life?  Because I know that since that relationship was so traumatic, it will probably always be in the back of my mind.  Or, is my dream telling me what I've been feeling, about him in danger?  Like was that dream warning of something?  Hm...

I probably sound crazy.  I bet people think I have feelings for him.  All I can say to that one is no, there aren't.  But what I can say, is that I will forever have those good times with me.  I won't forget those ones.  But, since most everything was a lie, I try not to think of the good times since those were probably not real either.  I think that's why it's unsettling still if I think about it, which is not very often.  At least if five people from his life didn't verify his lies to me, I'd be more settled with the idea.  You know?  LIke I'd know that we just weren't getting along and that is that.  But knowing that he lied to me so many times about everything.  Anything and everything.  And his own family verifying it all.  That still bothers me.

I don't know what I did to deserve that.

But, the good thing is that it doesn't actually hurt anymore.  You know?   That pain you feel in your heart. That's not there.  Took about six months, but, it's gone.  YAY ME!  

I wonder why he turnsoutto 

tusnd outsti

to

nottrr

tutrt

tusn

no

Ahem.  

I just wonder why he turns up in my dreams so much now.  Well.  Probably since I started trying to heal him.  Yeah.  That makes sense.

If I can make a difference in someone's life I will be happy.   :)

I have to go play Twilight Princess now. 

Jaime loves Midna.  Forever.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Little Dreamer

Branded?

Hi!  I slept only 14.5 hours this time, yay me?

I had a dream that was so real again.  I hate this.  I had a dream that we were all at camp, and I needed a sweatshirt because I was cold, and the only one I had said "Michael" on it.  I refused to wear it.  But everyone made me.  So.  It was like I was branded with his name across my chest!

Pfffft.  What does THAT mean???  Perhaps I feel labeled because of that relationship?  

Hmph.  That bothers me.  But.  I still have a bad feeling for his life though.  Something is happening or will happen to him.  I feel kind of bad now.  I still have feelings of hatred, deception, all that happy stuff, but, I don't want him to die.  But I feel his time is limited now.  But I thought my healing was doing GOOD!  Uh oh.  Maybe I did it wrong  :(

I will try harder.  I would never wish death upon anyone.  Even if I am this angry still.  Well.  I'm doing better.  I just still feel sorry for his life and circumstances.  Seems his family is the reason he is how he is.  But still.  You have to grow up at some point, ey?

Yes! 

I love correcting people's grammar.  And spelling.  

Random? 

Yes.  That was.

I have to go now!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11

Synchronicity at its best...

Hello!

It is 6:30!

So.  These past few days have been full of synchronistic-like events.  First with that paper with the numerology numbers on it, now today I was cleaning out my closet.  I came across a bunch of dresses I wore when I was little.  Then I came across a nightgown that I wore when I was little but belonged to my mom.

Then I came across pictures in a drawer that was in an old cabinet in my room that has been closed off for about five years.  I finally got over to it and uncovered it to look at the pictures inside.  They were from about 1988 to 1990.  These pictures contained me in my two dresses that I came across today, and a picture of my mom in the nightgown that I found earlier today.

Now.  Today I was talking to the girls at work about how I wanted to be a doctor when I was little, because in about first grade we had a field trip to St . Elizabeth's and they gave me a bunch of doctor stuff, like gloves and a mask thingy and the whole getup.  What picture did I find today?  Me wearing those things and opsefn
opder
oprertat

oe

on
no

sorry.

Operating on one of my dolls.

My brother told me that really means something, and I should look to the next pictures and events to see what will happen in my life next.  Since these are all crazy coincidences.

I also came across a bunch of Mike's clothes.  All these things are happening.  So weird.

What do I do?

Love always,

Jaime Lee
11:11

Good Evening!

Hello everyone... it is 6:19 pm.

My mom and I just went to Wendy's in Utica and we saw an accident!  Scary.  Poor lady in a car looked so scared!  I think a truck was pulling out of McDonalds and apparently didn't look before pulling out and the car hit her head on.  So sad :(  Please be okay lady!

Alright.  I am getting irritated by something.

I went to work and I worked all of 3 hours (yay me!) and when I came home, I went upstairs and on my floor next to my nicely made bed, was a paper.  On this paper, was the name Michael (with the rest of his name, which will remain anonymous for respect) with numbers next to them.  I once did all of his numerology numbers to find his Life Path Number, his Soul Number and his Outer Personality Number to compare them to mine to see if we were meant to be together.  Hehe.

So.  I don't know where this paper came from.  I don't know why it was on my floor.  I have not seen this paper in over a year and a half to two years.  Where did it come from?  How did it just appear?  And more importantly, why?  What is the purpose?  I'm not crazy.  I know that paper was not there.  My room is pristine.  That paper was not there, nor do I know where it came from.

Perhaps my sessions on healing him are doing something!  Perhaps it's a sign?  That maybe I'm doing him some good?  Lately I've had a feeling that he's in grave danger.

Hmph.  Well.  We'll see.

Did you know that Wendy's has SMASHARONI AND CHEESE?!?  Holy baJEEZUM!  I was so excited about this that I nearly wet myself.

No.  Not really.  But you know.

Why does anybody read this?  There is no point anymore.  I used to write about awesome things but it has turned into things that nobody else would care to know.  Hm.  Well.  Thanks to whoever reads this!  Maybe I make people smile with my cuteness?

YAY!

I've been corresponding with a person online.  He asked me if I liked tattoos of if that is a deal-breaker for me.  I said no, but, I can't stand stupid ones.  He said he has a sleeve and it's all Japanese art.  I said that is fine, as long as it's not stupid tribal crap.  I can't stand that anymore.  It's like, can't you think of something unique?  At all?  That and roses.  Or hearts.  Ba Jeezum.

Hm.  I have to see if he wrote back.

Love always,

Jaime Lee
11:11

Water Temple and Such

Hello!

I am doing slightly better, I am sleeping a little less than 15 hours per day.

The best news yet? We are renting a camp during the summer!!!!!!

We haven't done that in a while!! It will be so fun! Just the family and Vicki! I am so happy. I miss that. I realized today how much I missed my family when I was with a certain someone. I always felt uncomfortable when he was around. Psht.

Never let a man come between you and your family :)

I am so excited about this camp. I think it's in Old Forge. Close enough so we can come home and my dad and Justin will commute to and from work and stuff. So excited. YAY!

Another girl at work got engaged this weekend.... to a guy she just met over the weekend. She talked to him online, but, this was the first time meeting him. I'm scared. And she met him in England. Pft.

That scares me so much. She's only 18 years old :(

I don't know whatis dnssofrse th

sotp

sotp

seo

setop it

stop

okay.

Sorry. I tried. Dallas was only 19 I think when she got married. It's so wrong! Hell, I can't even see being married by forty! Trust no-one.

I have to call my friend today... I haven't been up during the day and sleeping nights too so I haven't been able to call him :( It makes me happy that someone who is a stranger, is voluntarily nice to me. And writes to me. And worries about me. It almost seems too good to be true. But he's so nice. It's nice to have someone as a friend. :) Thank you, Shane :)

It has certainly been comforting during my relapse too. It's almost as if he came into my life at the right time! Yaaaaay! Yay for friends!!!

My room is almost done. I am feeling great about a change. I needed it. I always have to change things after major life-events. Helps you feel better :)

My brother got a car! It will be shipped her at some point. It's really pretty! I almost bought the same thing once! It's a Buick Lacrosse. So happy!

I will start doing yoga again. I am out of all other exercises I can do without relapsing. :( Yoga, here I come!

I am at the water temple in Ocarina. I am stuck! Help me!

But really, isn't it amazing music? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s9ZoF669l0

Yes. It is. I'm awesome.

I have to go finish my room and drink something!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Love and Gratitude

"Diary of Jaime"

Hi everyone! I just had yummy chicken on the grill! That's right! We had a cook-out and I am super happy and satisfied about this... I've missed the taste of chicken on a grill! Aww.

So. I was listening to that song, Diary of Jane, right? Hehe. And, it got me thinking about my diary.

I dug it out from under my bed, where it last was. Started reading my last entries from June and July from 2010. Apparently I started suspecting Mike of things early on! I had no recollection of this at all, imagine that? I wadfn

nosd

no.

Sorrr

stop

Sorry! Ahem. I was reading about how I didn't believe anything he told me, I suspected him of doing a lot of things, and I had no idea why he was with me, when all he did was criticize my job, my weight, my family, and everything important to me.

So interesting to go back and re-live what my emotions were. It made me so sad that I was apparently so distraught over our relationship although I did nothing at that time toesnstos

no

so

sorry

I did nothing at the time. I just let it stir for a few months until one fine day in December I made the choice to follow him to work knowing full-well that I was ending the relationship.

Diaries are amazing things and I've learned a lot from reading it today. I should have acted a lot sooner on my suspicions. Instead I just wrote about them! Silly Jaime!

I promise to never do that again. If I am feeling something I will act on it rather than write it in my diary.

Well. That song by Breaking Benjamin always reminded me of Mike when we were together. I find it interesting that all the songs that remind me of him were songs that weren't happy... they were songs about people's lives after the fact. Interesting. Foreshadowing in my life, at its best! Well. At least Mike had a place in my diary. Wasn't good, but nonetheless, he was in it.

I also started re-arranging my room and came across so many things from his and my relationship. All in the garbage and it felt so good! My brother came across his stupid eye of truth thing and started digging it out of the garbage! Hehe.

Can't believe I still had that stuff. It was buried. Then! While my brother was helping me move my entertainment center, he asked 'why do you have wood in your room?'

No idea what he was talking about, until I saw a piece of wood with "I love you Mush" on it and I got mad. He made me that at camp one time. It was at Delta Lake. Me and my photographic memory. Ahhhh. Back in the day when I thought I had fisouns

sorrr

sorry

Back in the day when I thought I was happiest camping and sitting by a fire. Pshhhhht.

But! Today must have been the cleansing day, right? I did not mean to come across all this stuff that I had left buried in my room!

I am playing Ocarina of Time and I am in Jabu-Jabu's belly! Super scared. I hate this place.

I have to go finish it! Wish me luck!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Little Relapser

Hungry!

Good evening!

10:12 to be exact...

I am still having weird seizure-type attacks. I'm hoping this doesn't last... I noticed it happened once in my face withds,myskbil

wo

woah

sorry.

I noticed it happened once when my face while I tried to talk... didn't come out right. I wonder what that means.. ascending weakness? I need to do some research :(

I had the phone interview with the lady for disability. She was very nice :) We'll see what happens :)

She asked if I graduated high school and if I attended any college. I of course answered yes to both answers. I was actually glad she asked those questions... maybe she'll see I'm not a drop out loser or something :) I suppose I am proud that I have an education, YAY ME!

I decided that I have one goal for my near future... save up to buy a house. That's all I want. I don't want kids. I don't want a husband. I want a house to call my own. I want my own space to do what I want, when I want. I have my family and that is all I ever care to have in a near future. Hell, the distant future too. I really do. I was asked if my answers are maybe because of my bitterness due to relationships.

It's not. It's been, what, over a frickin year since the last serious one, right? Hell, has it been that long? Wait. Let me figure this out. 16 months? Holy bajeezum! Awesome. So no, that bitterness wore off a while ago, hence why I am healing.

But still. I know it affected me still, but I realized that event though I have opportunities to date, I don't want it right now. No interest in being serious right now. I can focus on me!

YAY! That will be super fun. I'll get me all figured out and if a nice man finds his way into my life one day, we'll see. If not, no big deal. Life should not be defined by boyfriends. :)

I have to go eat something... Imma hungry!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Little Relapser

Silly Rainbow!

Good morning...

It is 6:36... why am I up? No I did not work. I slept from 1:30 am on he dsk

woah

sorry.

I slept from 1:30 am to 9:30am, then from 10am to 1am. I hate this.

I have a phone interview with the disability people. It'd be nice to be able to work a little more when I can without getting kicked off medicaid. That would really help. The supervisor lady mentioned getting some benefits, but I'm scared. I mean, that would help yes, as I would have some money and would maybe be able to contribute more to the household and feel like a normal person, but, I guess I just don't want to be labeled as one of those people you see down there ob viosu dsable sud

sory

sowha

not ove

okay.

Sorry. I tried my best!

So, I don't want to be one of those people you see down there obviously abusing the system. I know I would not be, but you know?

I need some help. My dad did my work for me last night, as well as all the other nights. I appreciate it, but, I do need some kind of money. At least until this passes. I'm hoping it doesn't take six months :(

I had a wonderful easter... my parents hid easter baskets all over the yard like when we were little!!!!! It was so exciting.. I had a blast. I'm very blessed to have this family :)

I was listening to my tapelastst nighksdlat

sorry.

I was listening to my tape last night and I only did the part where I'm floating down to earth as a leaf, going through all the colors in the rainbow and I feel asleep :) Woke up hours later with the earbuds still in. Hehe. Calmed me down way too much! Silly rainbow!

I have to go now...

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Little Relapser

Silly people everywhere.

Hello :)

It's crunch time! Easter is alllmost here, which means I can start to feel better (hopefully) after the holiday is over with. So excited.

I love when my whole family is together. That's what life is about for me :)

I am still having seizure-ish attacks every twenty minutes or so. I don't like it. It worries me a lot, I hope nothing serious is going on. Stupid seizures! Hehe.

One girl is quitting next week. She thought we didn't like her and she was upset that she didn't get a good raise with her new responsibility.

This bothers me a lot. She was supposed to give us a weekly list of things going right, wrong, whatever. Inventory. Things of that nature. She was supposed to be a key person. She was told she cannot use her cell phone to text during work, as that was a problem before. She accepted.

Ever since then, all the employees have been coming to us about her using her cell phone to text her sister to help her with crossword puzzles. All day. I was told that whenever I'm decorating a cake, she's out front texting. We talked to her again. She did it again. We put up a sign. She said 'how are they gonna know?' I've caught her texting three times in the past too. Psht.

Really? So, she did not get her raise. And she said she didn't think her cell phone usage 'would matter'.

Fuck.

I hate that there are people in this country that immature. Makes me really sad.

I have to go now, love to all!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11

Psychic Abilities Increasing

Good evening everybody... I just woke up. It is 8:46 pm. I hate this.

But, the Governor's office called back and told me I had been reinstated so I should be able to get my prescriptions now. That was very nice of them to help me, I am extremely thankful. Thank you Governor Cuomo :)

The medicaid lady was very nice to me too, she told me to apply for some SS Disability benefits and to write a letter saying I want to be considered 'working disabled'. This will help very much, as I want to work, but I need some help right now. That's why the system is here. For people that need it. Not half of the morons down there. It's so scuzzy to walk in there and all the weird people saying 'fuck' way too much and they can't even dress decently... :(

I had my third psychic dream and a 'SCORE' for a remote viewing test. I was listening to Coast to Coast early this morning and they had on a man that worked for the CIA doing remote viewing. He said he had an object and wanted people to try to see what it was. All I saw instantly were two vertical lines, they were green. How he ended up describing it was a globe with the big longitude lines holding it in place. Ah. Yes indeed that is what I saw first. Interesting...

Then I just had a dream that people were swimming in a pool in my back yard, but there were two pools connected. One had water. One had bleach. I could not fathom why people would go into the bleach part...

When I woke up I called my mom to find out where she was, and she told me she was cleaning lots before she left, and filled up the sink with bleach and water.

Hm.

I know that deep state I've been going into has done something... The one guest on coast to coast was explaining that when you do that, and go out of body, sometimes you can't get back in it... I hope that's not why I am having episodes... :(

So. Another part of my dream was me going out of body and walking around my room and seeing things. I picked up a one dollar bill for some reason and then went back into my body and fell off my bed. That's when I woke up...

I'll be on the lookout for a dollar bill reference...

I've been purposely giving mike an object in my healing sessions and I place it on his nightstand next to his bslek an

Um. Sorry. Had an episode.

I place it on his nightstand next to his bed every time. I wonder if he knows what it is... I'll put the answer on my cell phone to see if anyone ever figures it out and maybe years down the road he can tell me what it is and I can prove that I did it!

I have to go eat something...

Goodnight, dreamers

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11 Healer

Rihanna... Rhianna? Rianna? Psht.

Rihanna=Douche bag idiot.

Why? You don't forgive a person for assaulting you. I'm sorry. You just don't.

These women that like the physical abuse need help.

Douche.

YAY ME!

Hello!

I now have medicaid again, because my mom wrote them a letter! I am so proud of her! The lady also suggests that I apply for a different coverage, so I can work more hours without being kicked off medicaid, but that I'd be considered working disabled and get some benefits too.

I think that's what I'll have to do. I want to work, I just can't possibly afford insurance or prescription coverage or work nearly enough to do it.

I called the doctor about my episodes, and he told me to ride it out for a few days, then if it still happens to go on all the pills (antivert and valium) to see if that helps and if not he will see me, as that is a clear sign of a relapse now. Before he was wondering if maybe it had to do with my ear. But, it does not.

Here is a picture of me trying to write down what the pharmacy lady was telling me, when I had an attack of whatever it is... hehehe..

hehe. The first one is my name, then below it was me trying to write down the instructions she was giving me. hehe.

Didn't turn out too well... I wish I knew what I was writing, as I kind of need the information.

I told my neuro they feel like little strokes. He said that's not out of the realm of possibility.

Ugh. I hope that is not what's happening. It's the most frightening thing that has ever happened with this disease. I mean sure, not feeling my my body at all was scary, and the vertigo was scary, but this one is so much different than just sensations. This is an inability for my brain to make me write.

I feel like a kid just learning how to write. :(

But, I am covered now so my day is a little better... my mom was right, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I'm so glad she wrote that letter.. saved me a lot of stress. :)

I have to go, as I am going to watch Friends and we are making fish and chips!

We are getting really good at cooking cod. Super yummy fish!

I had a dream about mike last night that was so weird. I had a dream he came to the bakery to just hang out with me. I couldn't really say much to him (much like any other dream) but he just sat on the table and watched me decorate. I cracked a smile once in my dream because he said something funny. I did ask him how his life is, and he said he's really lonely. I was shocked (as he's married, no reason to be lonely) and he said he just is... :(

Love always,

jaime Lee

Medicaid Lady? Kiss my ass.

Well good morning everybody...

5:11 to be exact.

My lady from medicaid never called me like she said she would.

I'm getting very frustrated and it's stressing out my parents too... it's making me sad because I know they feel helpless because there is nothing they can do to help me.

I'll figure something out. I just know if she gives me attitude one more time I'm going to go "Jaime" on her.

Most of you know what that means.

I'll point out things in a very intelligent way but demoralizing her also. I will point out the fact that I'm not one of those losers on medicaid who, after realizing they are 'low income' keep popping out babies that they can't afford and using the system for their own gain.

I am considered low income. Do I want to be? No. Is there something I can do about it? No. I wish there was. If they can come up with a miracle drug then maybe.

But now, I'm forced to take half a dose of my copaxone. Something is going haywire in my brain that is making me not comprehend how to write. Do you think the medicaid lady gives a fuck? No. Of course not.

psht.

I have to go to bed now, and have nice dreams and hopefully not sleep 14 hours again. I keep trying not to, but, it's not working.

Goodnight, everyone...

Love always,

Jaime Lee

Little Relapser

Motor skills down again...

Good morning...

5:43 to be exact.

I had 7 more attacks of the motor skill thing... I don't know what to say.

First I get this buzzy feeling in my head where I get super dizzy, then I can't write or use my left arm. That's not fun...

I think I have to call the neuro and tell him that unfortunately I have a second symptom. woah hteher is is

woah. I meant: woah, there it is. I couldn't type it. Lasted all of 5 seconds, but it's like a mini stroke, and I'm scared :(

It almost seems like it's on a timer. I will keep writing to see when it happens again. That was at 5:45. Let's see.

I have to do my meditation tonight but I have to sleep. I need to have a normal sleep cycle again. I feel useless though. I absolutely need at least 15 hours of sleep, which again, my neuro said is absolutely normal for an exacerbation, but it sucks. I don't want people to think that I'm just lazy.

Psht. Easter is almost here and I am excited about this coming weekend. Jerry and Vicki are coming over. Jerry called today and we talked on the phone for at least 20 minutes about video games, tuna noodle casserole, my insurance situation, and stupid people. It was nice! I'm glad I am close with my family. I wouldn't want it any other way. I feel so sorry for people that don't have that in their life. It's not fair.

Kind of like with mike. I pity his life in that he didn't have that connection. Crack whore stripper mom and abusive druggy dad. So not fair. Children should not be born into this world and given those circumstances. Not fair at all.

But, I think the world will be heading in a new direction soon. With this mayan calendar thing and the booming noises all over the world (of which I've heard three times now), I think the earth is changing. I can't wait for it. I know something is coming. I am very excited to see it though.

Todd concerned me the other night... he was all sad and said it's because he's so lonely and has nobody.... I told him I could not relate, as I don't, nor have I ever, needed someone (obviously). It's just kind of sad when people can't be without someone else by their side. Why not focus on you?

I decided that I don't want to get married, no kids yet, until I'm all settled. Yes. I need to focus on me now. I never got to when I was younger.

It's my time now.

I have to go to bed now... hopefully get up at a decent hour! The medicaid lady is supposed to call me this morning. Think that will happen? :)

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11 Healer

Akashic Library

Hi!

I still can't write my name correctly.. it's almost funny now and I wish I could put up a picture of what it looks like. I hope this isn't the second-half of my relapse.

I've been arguing with medicaid for a week now. I sent them in four new paystubs, knowing I will qualify, but, my case worker does not know if she got them. I swear.

I explained the situation of how they cut my coverage off early and I couldn't get needles, which I need. I explained how I would have paid for them, except for the fact that they are $4200 per month. Something I wish I could afford. But can't. Which is why I'm on medicaid.

I want to be able to work more. I want it so bad. I want to not need 15 hours of sleep. I want to work 40 or more hours a week and make money and have to pay for health insurance and be okay with that. I can't do that. And I feel trapped.

It would take me four or so months of working to afford one month of medication. :(

I did side 3 of the Akashic Construct. I saw my library, my calendar, the lift, it's so pretty. I had to invite the person I am healing into there for healing. My celestial was there also but I could not make it out yet... but, I did see that mike was the person I am supposed to be healing. It was so cool. I'm loving this whole thing. I can do anything I want. And even BETTER is the fact that once I'm deep into the alpha state, things happen without my doing. It's an amazing feeling.

Before the end of my healing session it said I had to put them back into the lift and press #2 to send the elevator back down, out of my Akashic Library. I was very emotional this time, something I had not been before. This was more real than ever.

I will do this again tonight, and I'm hoping to get a name out of my celestial that was there with me.

I know I sound crazy, but, it's been very awesome.

I am reading a book about how positive words affect water crystals. It's so interesting. That ties into my theory that positive thinking can heal. Definitely can.

Maybe my relapse has to do with the anger I've been harboring for over a year. ??

I should be getting better.... but I'm not yet... until I can write correctly!

I have to go eat!

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11 Healer

Oh no.

Motor skills decreasing...

I can't sign my name without thinking about how to do it.

Um... Help?

Psychic-ness Increasing... beware...

Since doing my meditation, I've had two rather psychic dreams. First one about my mom painting a barn, then when I went downstairs she was watching Bob Ross paint a covered bridge.

Then last night a dream about the payroll service for the bakery writing notes to me about my work. when I woke up my dad was doing my taxes and explaining why he didn't have payroll do it...

Last night I had a dream that Vic (an awesome customer and long-time friend of ours from the bakery) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After hearing this in my dream, I was suck backwards out of my dream, like in the one with mike, and I woke up and prayed for him...

I hope it's not true :( He's so sweet. One of those genuine people... he said he wants to be invited to my wedding whenever I get married... How sweet is that? :)

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11

I woke him up!

Good morning everyone!

1:46 to be exact.

I had a blast with my meditation last night. I went further into deep alpha than ever before. I slept 13 hours afterwards, I hope that is not a side effect!

While I was visualizing, helping to heal mike, had my hand on his forehead again, he woke up! Scared the bajesus out of me, as I didn't know that could happen, but something happened in my brain! Super scary. His room is nice though, it was peaceful there. I saw his wife, she looked super cute lying next to him. Her hair is longer than before. She was on her stomach. But. It was so odd. It was all so real. I guess the reason this seems extraordinary, is because when he woke up 'in my head', I was pulled from the room super fast, like in a movie.

The mind is an interesting thing I tell ya. I probably sound like a nut job. I'm not really though. And I'm not just making these things up, these scenarios play out without my doing. Like when he showed up in my pleasant scene in nature. I tried so hard to get him out of there but he would not go. I misread it, as I was supposed to be helping him.

I hope I do some good as it's been feeling good to let go of some anger and not take what he did to me so personally. I think I've been misconstruing it as I'm a bad person, or a person that can't be loved. I was treating it like how I used to feel when people would make fun of me when I was young. I turned that into self-hate.

There is nothing remotely wrong with me. I'm a lovely person with morals, values, conviction, and trust me that is more than most people can say for themselves.

I'm Jaime :)

My friend told me yesterday that if he won the lottery, he would give me a million of it. That was super sweet. I find it refreshing that he sees me for who I am, as that takes people years to do with me usually. I swear I know him from somewhere though. He seems to know things about me that aren't possible. Hm.... Is that possible?

Perhaps. I was talking about soul mates to Todd and he believes in them. He asked me what I thought, and if I thought he got away. The question tore me, as I had always thought, despite what I saw happening to us in the future, that mike was my soul mate. I couldn't utter the phrase 'he got away', but I said he lied to me and then had to go away. hehe.

The world is interesting. I can't wait to find out what the journey of life is for. I can't wait to find out. But I know I have a purpose, something divine. I know it. I used to feel it when I was little actually. And I used to have the feeling that I was being watched. All the time. It was not scary to me but I felt it since I was little. I still have that feeling but I know it's a good thing. :)

I have to go meditate again and see where my brain takes me tonight. I'll try not to wake people up this time! Silly Jaime.

Love always,

Jaime Lee

11:11